5 Ways to Survive the Holidays

The Festive Season is once again upon us. Often a tense, trying, time full of conflict and upset, the holidays are the number one time when everything and everyone can get on your last nerve.

Perhaps you have a large family who get together for the holidays and continually bicker and argue about nothing; or perhaps you’re a couple trapped in an argumentative loop where you have the one argument over and over and which never gets resolved.
Keep your sense of humour and you can get through anything this Christmas.

On the other hand, if you have a well-behaved family, who rarely argue, and always treat each other with respect, I take my hat off to you.

Congratulations, your family are one of a rare kind. Keep up the great work, champ.

Chances are your family are much like everyone else’s around holiday time, and fall into a routine of bickering, rehashing painful memories from your childhood, or competitive talk about how your children and doing better at school than your cousins’ children. Whatever your situation, here are 5 tips for making it to New Year’s with your sanity intact.

1 Take a mini-vacay instead of spending the holidays with your family and avoid the whole mess. Somewhere that you can switch off your mind and bask in the glorious sunshine. With or without your partner, naturally.

Coming home with a tan will change the topic of conversation around the dinner table come New Year’s.

Part of the cause of so many upsets over the Holidays is due to stress and unresolved past issues. It seems the perfect time to air your grievances around a plate of turkey collared greens and candied yams, but its the worst time to do so.

Families in particular can find that the culmination erupts to breaking point around the time the meal is being served. Even if you’re a close-knit family, one ill-timed comment can disrupt the usually calm status quo. Be quick to apologise if you are the one who causes any upsets. Further, be quick to forgive if you receive an apology, and then move on.

2 Unplug the phone and stay home to binge-watch television instead of venturing out. Line up your viewing choices now to get a head start. As soon as you finish work the day before Christmas Eve, get into your P.J.’s and don’t come out of hiding until at least December 28. The conflict coast will be clear by then, and all thoughts of turkey, tantrums and mistletoe will be a long distant memory.

3 Grin and bear it. Show up at the house on time, with the obligatory gifts. Eat whatever’s put on the plate in front of you without complaining that its cold or greasy or there’s not enough of it.
Be polite, and remember to be extra courteous. When the entourage moves to the couch make an excuse and leave, pronto, to avoid any conflict.

4 Telephone your family very early on Christmas morning with a fake bout of flu, and explain that you’re going to take some Night Nurse and try to sleep it off. This will ensure you don’t end up with everyone dropping in on you will plates of cold leftovers ‘just to see how you’re feeling.’

Plus, stay off Social Media so you won’t be tempted to post updates that show you’re really at the Mall looking fierce in your half-off-must-buy-now-hundred-dollar- shoes.

5 Book a hotel for a last-minute weekend spa treatment. The mani-pedi you’ve been dreaming about, or the warm oil massage is now your new drama-free reality.

Above all, have a wonderful time whether you choose to spend it alone, or with your family.

Can Being Needy Cause Someone To Put Up With Bad Behaviour?

If someone hasn’t eaten for a little while, they can end up eating things that are not good for them. Due to how hungry they are, it can stop them from being able to resist this type of food.

They can find that their will power has deserted them and that they don’t even take the time to think about if they are doing the right thing. They are going to have a strong desire to fulfil a need, and that will be the only thing that matters.

Off Balance

What this shows it that there can be times when it is not going to be possible for one to behave as they would like to. Even so, it could be said that this is just part of life, as they are not always going to be able to exercise self-control.

In general, one could find that this is something that rarely takes place, and so there will be no reason for them to beat themselves up about it. They could take the time to think about how most of their life is spent doing things that are good for them.

A Way of life

However, if this was something that took place on a regular basis, it wouldn’t be something that they can simply overlook. In this case, they could find that they are carrying more weight than they need to.

But if this is not something they can relate to, they are likely to find that they are not very healthy. There will then be the state of their health and there will be the effect this is having on their mental and emotional health.

A New Approach

Therefore, the sooner one does something about this; the sooner they will begin to improve their health. On one hand, one will need to look into what kind of food they need to eat in order to be healthy.

This can take place through looking on the internet, or through speaking to someone who has a deeper understanding of this area of life. And on the other hand, it will be necessary for them to develop will power.

A Process

What is clear is that their life is not going to change overnight, but this doesn’t mean that it will take forever. Through taking the first step and doing something each day, they will be sure to achieve their desired outcome.

Another Area

And while one might be able to identify with the above example, they might find that there is something else that is causing then problems. There is the chance that they have moments when they are needy, and this then causes them to behave in ways that are entirely out of character.

As a result of behaving this way, they could often end up pushing people away. When they meet someone, they could behave as they usually do, but once the relationship progresses this could all change.

A Missed Opportunity

If one was to look back on their life, they could start to wonder why they behave in this way. During this time, they might see that this hasn’t always taken place, and that there have been times when they were able to be themselves.

It is then as if this is something that comes and goes, and there is nothing they can do about it. Naturally, this is going to be something that will cause them to experience pain and frustration.

The Other Extreme

What is going to cause one to experience even more pain is if this is what always takes place. They could then find that this stops them from getting too close to anyone, and so they are going to be used to be single.

And through experiencing life in this way, there is a strong chance that they will feel even needier. As a result, this can cause them to come on even stronger and this will make it even easier for people to reject them.

Walked Over

Yet regardless of whether this happens on the odd occasion or as a way of life, it could also set them up to be taken advantage of. If one was to attract someone, they could find that they end up putting up with bad behaviour.

And although there is the chance that the other person will end up walking away before too much time has passed, there is also the chance that they will stay around for quite some time. As to how long one will be treated badly can then depend on how long the other person stays around for.

One Focus

One could find that they overlook what is taking place, as they don’t want the other person to leave them. Either consciously or unconsciously, this could be something that the other person is only too aware of.

This is likely to mean that one won’t be respected by them, but it can still cause one to be used by them. If they were to leave them, it could be because they have found someone else to use.

Another Way

But even if they don’t leave them, it is going to be a good idea for one to take a step back from what is taking place. When one behaves in this way, it can show that they don’t value themselves.

What can also play a part here is if one is carrying unmet needs from their early years, as these needs will cause them to feel like a needy child and to expect too much from others. This shows that there can be a number of different factors involved here, and that it is not black and white

Awareness

When it comes to moving forward, one might be able to do this by themselves, or they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist.

Why Do Some Relationships Come To An End When One Person Has Therapy?

In the beginning of a relationship, everything can be going fine, and then as it progress certain issues can appear. This can then cause one of them to wonder how the other person could have changed so much.

In fact, it could be as if the other person has ended up becoming someone else, and this can be hard for them to handle. During this time, they might start to think about whether they were putting on an act.

The Next Step

This could then be a time when they will wait and see what happens; with the hope that the other person will go back to how they were. They might continue to behave in the same way, or they could adjust their behaviour.

If they were to alter their behaviour, it could result in them doing more to please their partner. The alternative might be for them to no longer put in an as much effort and to come across as indifferent.

A Short-Term Solution

Through doing this, they may find that the other person begins to change their behaviour. But although this might work for a little while, they could soon see that it is not going to be the answer to their problems.

On the other hand, one could just ignore what is taking palace and continue to behave in the same way. Even so, it is likely to be only a matter of time before they have to face up what is going on.

Speaking Up

Yet, if they don’t end up altering their behaviour, they could try to talk to the other person about what is taking place. This could mean that they will share their perspective on what is taking place, or they could end up having a go at them.

If they were to do the former, it might make it easier for the other person to share their thoughts. This is unlikely to take place if the latter was to occur, and the other person could shut down.

A Standstill

It could be said that the ideal will be for one to talk about what is going on without putting their partner down. This is going to be the best way for them to change what is taking place in their relationship.

If they don’t do this and the other person ends up going silent, they are not going to get anywhere. This is can then be no different to what would happen if an argument broke out.

One Outcome

When it is possible for one to open up without putting their partner down, it can allow the relationship to move forward. And there could be a legitimate reason as to why the other person has changed.

Once one finds out about this, they may find that the relationship begins to change, and it might no longer consume their attention. This can then be seen as something that is relatively straight forward, and not something that they need to think about any more.

No Different

However, something like this could take palace and then before long, the relationship could go back to how it was. One could then end up going through the whole process again, and the same outcome could soon arise once more.

At this point, they might no longer be willing to stay with the other person, and they might end up walking away. But even if they were to do this, it might only be matter of time before they end up getting back with them.

The Reason

The person they were with could say that they are no longer the same or that it will be different this time. One could then come to believe what they are saying and be only too happy to return to how things were.

Having said that, regardless of whether they were to break up, one could suggest that their partner goes to see a therapist. This can be seen as something that will allow them to finally change their behaviour.

The Problem

What this shows it what their partner is going to be seen as the one with the issues, and so there will be no reason for one to do anything. Now, there is always the chance that their partner won’t be open to this idea.

If this is the case, one could say that they will only stay with them if they go and see one. Therefore, their partner could end up working with someone, and this will then give them the chance to see why they are behaving in a way that is undermining their relationship.

A New Start

Through taking a deeper look within themselves and acknowledging what is taking place, they could find that their behaviour starts to change. At the same time, it might be necessary for them to do more than this.

One could then find that their relationship ends up improving, and this is naturally going to have a big effect on their life. Yet, what one could also find is that they are longer attracted to them.

Another Angle

What this can show is that although the other persons behaviour was having a negative effect on them at a conscious level, it might have been what felt comfortable at a deeper level. The other person is no longer going to behave in the same way and this is going to stop them from feeling the same way about them.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that one doesn’t just randomly end up with people who have problems. The reason they end up with people like this is because there is something that they need to deal with within themselves.

Awareness

If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to attract people who are right for them.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

Loving Yourself When You Feel Lonely

One of the saddest and most dysfunctional aspects of our current culture is that it fosters loneliness. It’s not hard to imagine that when most people lived in tribes or small villages, loneliness was not the epidemic that it currently is.

Loneliness is the feeling we have when we want to connect with someone and there is no one around to connect with, or the person or people who are there are closed and unavailable for connection. We can feel lonely when alone, and we can also feel lonely with others who are shut down and closed to connection.

We are social beings and we are hard-wired to long for connection and the sharing of love. Hopefully, understanding that loneliness is a natural core painful feeling coming from a primal need, will help you to remove any judgment from feeling lonely. Judging yourself for feeling lonely is the opposite of loving yourself. Judging yourself only serves to make you feel alone inside, and the combination of loneliness and aloneness leads to depression and despair. Loneliness is hard enough to manage without making it harder by judging yourself for it.

As an only child with disconnected parents, I was often very lonely. The loneliness was so big that I learned seemingly positive ways of avoiding feeling this feeling – reading, doing arts and crafts, being immersed in school and spending as much time as I could at friends’ houses. In fact, I did such a good job of avoiding this feeling that I was completely unaware that I was often very lonely.

It came as a shock to me when, one day, I felt a searing pain throughout my body. I asked my spiritual Guidance what this feeling was and she said, “This is loneliness.” “Wow!” I answered. “No wonder I’ve avoided it all this time!”

My Guidance suggested that I hang out with the feeling, welcome it, embrace it and stay open to learning about what it had to teach me. I hung out with it for two months and it taught me volumes. One of the things it taught me was how to love myself through the loneliness.

The first thing I learned to do was to become aware of the feeling, then name it and embrace it with compassion. My inner child feels seen, heard and loved when I name the feeling and compassionately embrace it. It’s easy to use various addictions and other forms of self-abandonment to avoid feeling lonely, but this isn’t loving to ourselves.

The next thing I learned to do is to open to learning from the feeling. If I feel lonely when I’m alone, it’s telling me that I need to reach out for connection. Sometimes being alone doesn’t feel lonely and other times it does. If it does, then loving myself means taking loving action for myself – such as calling a friend or family member. Loving yourself might mean that you need to make friends. Loving action might be looking into meetup.com, or taking a class with like-minded people, or joining a spiritual or religious organization or a 12-Step group, or some other activity where you might meet like-minded people. What is not loving is to judge yourself or avoid the feeling with some other form of self-abandonment.

If I feel lonely when I’m with another person, first I need to check in to make sure I’m open. If I’m not, then I need to do my Inner Bonding work to explore what I’m protecting again – what I’m trying to control or avoid. If I am open, then my loneliness is likely telling me that the person I’m with is closed to connection with me. Then I have the choice to love myself by opening to learning with them, or to lovingly disengage. If you are often lonely with your partner, loving yourself might mean seeking help with your relationship, even if your partner isn’t open to counseling or facilitation.

If I’m with a group, the feeling might be telling me that this group isn’t my tribe, or it might be telling me that I need to move around within the group to find the one or two people with whom I can connect.

There may be a lot of information you can gain from compassionately attending to your loneliness. Loving yourself through loneliness means embracing it, learning from it, and taking loving action on your own behalf.

How To Forgive

It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. ~Maya Angelou

Forgiveness IS one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, but how do we genuinely get there?

Many people believe that if they just decide to forgive someone, they have actually forgiven them, only to discover anger or resentment emerging over and over. So how to forgive?

Alyce wrote me the following question:

“Dr. Paul, How do I sincerely forgive my soon-to-be ex-husband of 32 years for infidelity committed prior to him even asking me for a divorce? I feel angry, hurt and jealous that he would give another woman the affection that he denied me. I know I must forgive him in order for me to heal and move on, but how to forgive?”

The first thing that Alyce needs to accept is that forgiveness is a natural process that occurs as we do our own deep inner work. Alyce needs to let go of reaching forgiveness for now, and instead focus on learning about her end of the relationship system. She needs to have the courage to look within at what she did in the relationship that contributed to the problems that resulted in divorce.

Alyce can ask herself questions such as:

Was I true to myself in this relationship, or did I give myself up to try to please him?
How did I try to control in this relationship? Was I angry, compliant, withdrawn, resistant or blaming?
In what ways did I abandon myself? Did I judge myself, ignore my feelings, turn to addictions to avoid responsibility for my feelings, or did I make my husband responsible for my self-worth, safety and happiness?

Answering these questions honestly won’t be easy, and Alyce might need the help of a therapist or facilitator to have the courage to get very honest with herself.

Once she has a clear understanding of her end of their dysfunctional relationship system, then Alyce needs to practice doing inner work to learn to love herself. She needs to learn to give herself whatever it was that she was trying to get from her husband. Part of loving herself is forgiving herself for her own unloving behavior toward herself and her husband while in the relationship.

Alyce needs to accept that she and her husband came together at their common level of woundedness – their common level of self-abandonment. Each of them brought their unhealed wounds into the relationship, and they each played out their wounds with each other.

As Alyce learns to love and forgive herself, rather than judge herself and abandon herself in other ways, she will gradually and naturally feel forgiveness toward her husband. She cannot force or push reaching forgiveness. She needs to accept that this is a gradual process of self-healing.

The more Alyce does her own inner work, the more happy and peaceful she will feel within. Her anger, hurt and jealousy will gradually heal as she learns to give herself the love she was seeking externally. As she learns to see their relationship system clearly, she will accept that they both did the best they could, given their backgrounds and resulting woundedness.

The Gifts Of Laughter And Tears

When you do not allow yourself to express yourself with laughter and tears, physical pain, due to stress and a lack of passion for life, may be the result.

Ron grew up in a household where laughter and tears were never expressed. Anger was the main feeling expressed by his mother, while his father was mostly withdrawn. By the time Ron was eight years old, he had managed to shut off both his laughter and his tears to avoid feeling rejected by his parents and controlled by his mother. Shutting down was his way of protecting against being invaded by his very controlling mother. He became a serious child – a controlled and controlling child.

Ron grew up, went to college, became a successful lawyer, married and had three children. Yet nothing, not even his deep love for his children, managed to break through his rigid, controlling way of being.

Ron reached out for my help because he was not only very unhappy, but was often in physical pain. All he could say about the physical pain was that he hurt. “My body hurts. My chest hurts, my stomach hurts and my back hurts.” He had been thoroughly checked out by a physician and learned that nothing was physically wrong. The doctor told him it was stress.

Ron told me that he spent much of his non-working time daydreaming because when he was present with himself in the moment, all he felt was pain. He had learned to daydream to avoid the pain.

However, Ron was now 48 years old, and the daydreaming was no longer working well. The pain was breaking through, especially in the form of debilitating back pain, so Ron decided he needed some help.

The issue behind Ron’s pain was that his primary intention in his life was to control. He wanted to control how others felt about him, how well his employees worked, how his wife treated him and how well his children did in school. He also wanted control over not feeling the pain of rejection and the fear of engulfment that he had felt so much in his family. He especially wanted control over not feeling the pain of his own self-abandonment.

Ron’s control had worked for him to a certain extent. He was financially successful. He had all the material things a person could want – a beautiful home, a vacation home, a boat and all the electronics a person could ever use. He had a wonderful family and he had good health – other than his pain. Yet he was often miserable and felt no sense of passion about life.

The problem Ron was facing was that having control was far more important to him than being a loving person with himself and with others. As a result, Ron felt empty inside and was constantly looking to others to fill him up. He had no interest in taking responsibility for his own feelings – his own pain and joy. He wanted others or things to fill him and make him happy.

Imagine how a child would feel if you put him into a box and told him he could never laugh or cry. This is what was happening with Ron. His inner child – his feeling self – was in a box, not allowed to laugh or cry. Laughter and tears are our natural ways of expressing and releasing feelings. Without the God-given gifts of laughter and tears, our feelings get blocked up inside, eventually causing our muscles to go into painful spasms. This is what was causing Ron’s pain. He could no longer keep a lid on his feelings without feeling physical pain.

It was a tough battle for Ron. At those moments when he let go of control and opened his heart to love, the pain went away. But his terror of being rejected or controlled was generally more powerful than his desire to be loving with himself and others, and he would close up in the face of his fears. He feared that if he opened to his feelings, he would be weak and would be seen as weak, which he feared would lead to rejection, engulfment, and being taken advantage of.

Ron wanted something he could not have – the illusion of safety that being so controlling gave to him, while not suffering from the physical pain of being so controlling.

After practicing inner work, Ron finally saw that being loving to himself by letting himself experience his laughter and tears did not cause weakness, nor did it bring about the rejection and engulfment he feared. In fact, by being more aware of his feelings and allowing himself to express them, Ron learned that he actually felt safer, more powerful, and far more alive and passionate about his life than when trying to control everything.

Creative Wedding Reception Ideas

Having a great wedding reception can complete your happiness in your very special day. You can enjoy the time when you are becoming a princess in a palace in one night. To perfect your very special day, especially in the wedding reception decoration is one of the main roles after the run down and the food that you should hardly think about. This is the one that can attract the visual scene of the guests before seeing the bride and the groom. Here are some tips for you to make your wedding reception decoration great.

The first thing that you should do is by choosing the theme of your wedding reception. You can choose any kind of themes that you and your spouse can choose like the cultural theme, Arabian night theme, the western modern wedding theme, and even for the very traditional cultural that you will choose. Try to pick the out of box wedding theme if you have some longer times to prepare it. By picking the theme, you will easily pick the decoration which actually fit the theme. For example, you will pick the Arabian dining set, like the glass and the plate, and also you will pick the dessert floral decoration for the flower buckets which it will be put in some parts of the wedding reception place.

The second thing to make your wedding reception decoration great is by choosing the main color of your reception. After choosing the main theme, all you need to do then is by making the color scheme in your wedding. It will look better if you have, for example, Purple Arabian decoration rather than only Arabian decoration. This contrast which is made by the color scheme will also make you easier to adjusting the wedding reception decoration.

The third thing to do is by perfecting the nuance with lighting. Lighting is the only one which can boost your decoration. This lighting will play the maximum role when they reflect the main decoration. For example, you can put a light under the flower bucket to make it more real and perfect. You can also put it near the big wedding background to give such reflection from the color of the background. This playing of lighting will make your decoration one hundred percent perfect.

The last but not least is by not neglecting to the costume. Costume is really not belonging to the wedding reception decoration. However, how will the decoration work well and deliver the nuance if the wedding consume is not appropriate to the decoration. At least, the costume is in the same line with the cultural theme. This might be a big zonk to the decoration if the costume is not appropriate or match to the decoration.

Tips To Choose The Perfect Wedding Dress For The Reception

Walking along the aisle will be a wonderful moment if you flatter a stunning wedding dress. As a little girl, you always dreamed of wearing a beautiful wedding costume. When you can find the best soul mate in your life, finally the time has come to pick up the perfect dress. Many women are stressful since selecting a wedding dress is not as easy as they might think before. It is a hard decision due to the numerous models, designs, colors, styles, and fabrics. If you are smart enough, it is easy to get the best one made just for you. Follow the tips to find out the flawless dress for the big occasion.

Get Inspirations
Collect various photographs of wedding dresses from the boutique promotions, advertisements and magazines six months before the reception. Scrutinize each design and grab 5 to 10 pictures of your favorites. You will know the different types of wedding dresses through the pictures. It is okay to collect the pictures worn by celebrities or famous people. The one made by Alexander McQueen for the royal wedding of Kate Middleton is very popular. She was dazzling wearing a white gown with floral lace details on the sleeves with a very long train.

Casual Wedding Dress
For an outdoor wedding during the day, pick a casual sweetheart dress paired with simple white strap low heels or satin ballerina shoes. The champagne, pure white or cream-colored dress is nice to have. Keep it simple, chic and short. The white sheer fabric or chiffon is perfect to show flowing effect. Other ideas are the sheath, A-line, and bubble dresses. The latter one is suitable for the woman who wants to show off a little leg due to the short model. If the affair is held during the hot season, the former is ideal to have. The bride will never feel the heat for the upper back, upper chest, shoulders and arms are left bare. The bride with pear body may balance the posture with a simple A-line dress. All of them are great for beach or garden nuptial.

Formal Wedding Dress
An elegant wedding outfit is exceptional for formal evening wedding. Flatter a floor-length bridal dress with a train and gloves. Complement it with pearl jewelry for classic style. The peach, vintage white or ivory color is the appropriate one for this event. The fabrics should be thick and heavy. Choose organza, silk, lace, and satin as they are the common materials for formal gowns.

Set A Budget
Decide the budget before you go shopping on the local stores. If you dream to wear a Vera Wang dress, prepare at least $10,000. If you cannot afford it, opt for a custom-made wedding dress by the local designers with the price as little as $750. If the budget is super tight, look for a secondhand wedding dress with the price of $250 to $500. Get it on the vintage market or thrift stores.

Bridal Hair Accessories Throughout the Ages

Bridal Accessories Past and Present

Being a bridal design company and ladies who couldn’t find the accessories we wanted for our own weddings, we are so happy to be able to help brides’ today who are looking for their own perfect wedding accessories.

When brides ask us where we get our inspiration for our designs, we love telling them how our own Grandmother’s dress and other headdresses from times gone by, light up our creative sparks. The results give our own unique twist on designs from the distant past to bring brides a taste of the stunning pieces the Victorian and Edwardian artists produced back then.

Throughout the ages, bridal accessory designs seem to go around in circles and here we give a taste of each era so that when you choose your dress, you will be able to match them with complementing accessories to suit not only your the bride, but the dress and theme they are going for.

Example of bridal headpieces of the past century

Pre Classical period still had its influences going into the 1900s where the bridal accessories could be rather lavish, statement pieces. Brides often wore veils and sometimes their bridal headdresses were more like headpieces due to their size and ornateness. Many were encrusted with crystals and pearls and silk flowers to create a large and beautiful picture. However, after the wedding of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert, with her own real Orange Blossom hair vine was the start of brides who could afford, to wear real flowers in their hair. Queen Victoria’s Orange Blossom Hair Vine was preserved in wax and replicated using wax flowers, designs that my sister and I have reproduced with modern sophistication and charm in our little boutique in Bakewell, Derbyshire.

Moving into the 1920′s you have the ‘Flapper’ inspired pieces that were worn with short, sharp cropped hair styles and were, in some cases dramatic and would set a fashion scene that would appear decades later. Headpieces were often worn low down over the forehead with the bridal headdresses being lace, feathers, diamantes, crystals and bling. With drop waist dresses that would still play an important fashion role going into the 1930s.

The 1930′s saw a traditional revival with veils playing an important role and often would cover the entire head creating a laced veiled cap effect known as the ‘Juliet Cap’. Sometimes brides chose halos of lace, ribbon and flowers to create a soft and feminine look for their bridal headdress, each very striking and demure.

Not all 1940′s brides had the same choice of bridal headdresses as Queen Elizabeth who married in 1947 but in these austere war years, brides wanted traditional, princess tiaras with crystal and shine. With long flowing cathedral length veils being the order of the day and at times the full headpiece being chosen, brides of the 40′s looked simply stunning.

Jackie O and the actresses of the roaring 50′s created a new wave of glamour that filtered its way through to the everyday bride. With short, crisp and sassy veils teamed with sophisticated bridal headdresses, the 1950′s brides wanted glitz and glamour and although lace played a big part and full Juliet caps still being fashionable, things were hotting up.

The 60′s saw a few different styles vying for attention. The hippy movement saw daisy chains, flowery, blousy, natural and simple creations whereas there were the brides with the big bouffant hair styles who wanted the traditional crystal tiara and long flowing veil. Larger styles of bridal headdresses seemed to appear again in the 60′s with some brides wanting fuller halo effect pieces to create a statement against the more simplistic waist cinching dresses.

In the 1970′s, our personal favourite era for bridal dresses and accessories that saw a huge amount of bohemian brides with the flower circlets and flowing locks. Yet too, just as popular were the full tiaras, bonnets, headpieces and in some cases large blousy hats that were beginning to become a choice for some, along with the more demure and alluring pill box hats with birdcage veils.

Wow, the 1980′s! Bows, bows everywhere along with satin, ribbon, flowers and hoops. The 1980′s saw big hair, big veils, ruffles and bows and big wedding dress trains, although not many brides opted for the 25ft beauty that Princess Diana had!

Into the 90′s with a real contrast in fashion and a bit of a mixture when it came to bridal accessories. Brides were opting for traditional tiaras full of crystal and bling, yet others were experimenting with revivals and dresses that leaned towards a Tudoresque rather pre-classical style with full length capes or watteau, full arms, embroidered lace and Maid Marion inspired innocence. Towards the end of the 90’s and into the 00’s the vintage pieces were starting to play a part with beautiful pieces being made entirely of antique and vintage jewellery. The heirlooms of tomorrow were being created.

Up to modern times, and vintage is still very much the order of the day. With our service to incorporate a bride’s own heirloom piece into her accessories or even restoring Grandmother’s original headpiece, brides are staking their claims to individuality, glamour and a unique aspect to their day that can so very often have a mass produced feel about it.

So we encourage all brides to sit down with a cuppa, the old family albums and immerse themselves in their own family vintage and historical charm to gain inspiration that ensures the beauty of the past stands the test of time. If you’re a bride who has an old family heirloom, we can offer a full restoration service or provide stunning antique and vintage inspired accessories to complement every bride’s unique style.

My sister and I are proud to offer a complete service to brides, their mothers, mother in laws, maids and family to give a unique and uncontrived look to her beautiful wedding day. We look forward to hearing from you or welcoming you into our little boutique in the lovely market town of Bakewell, Derbyshire in the Peak District National Park.

At Heirlooms Ever After we design and hand make unique and exquisite bridal accessories and jewellery. After standing many National Wedding Shows and other large and exclusive Designer Wedding Shows within the industry, we are well placed to offer a full service to brides and her party.

Being the only company in Europe to have developed a unique Wax Flower compound to replicate the Wax Flower Hair Accessories of the Victorian and Edwardian periods, we can offer a full restoration service to transform or bring back to life your Grandmother’s or family heirloom accessory.

Your Wedding Day Programme

Your big day is here and you have popped your eyes open. All you can think about is that moment you say, “Yes, I do!” Stop! Slow down for a minute! You need to prepare yourself mentally, physically and emotionally.

Before you jump out of bed, say your prayers, affirmations or meditations, to put you in the right frame of mind to deal with all the emotions you will go through today and to prepare you for all the people you will encounter throughout the day. OK, now you can get out of bed. Eat some breakfast and afterward get a quick glass of wine or your favorite drink!

Your bridal party will soon arrive to prepare you all for hair and make up. Keep your spirits high and savor the final moments before you become Mrs. You may have opted for your photographer to capture these moments while you get ready and prepare for your ceremony. Remember that she will not only photograph the make up, dress and accessories but will also document this time with your closest friends and family. You may be showered with some gifts during this time.

By this time, your groom and his groomsmen will also be getting ready. His guys will help ease his mind and celebrate him tying the knot.

As your wedding ceremony draws near, you will get dressed and have the final make up touches done just before you leave to join the procession. In more recent years, some couples have strayed away from the tradition of not seeing each other prior to the ceremony and instead take a brief moment to pray with each other.

The Mothers will start the procession by being seated, the Groom’s mother to the right, the Bride’s mother to the left. The bridesmaids coupled with the groomsmen will follow – Bridesmaids standing on the left, groomsmen on the right side, left of where the Groom will stand. The groom then enters from the side entrance and stands to the right side of the altar. Your Maid of Honor will ensure that your veil and dress are fixed before she walks down the aisle with the best man. He will stand to the left, next to the groom. The ring bearer follows. Your flower girl will scatter petals or confetti to prepare for your grand entrance. If you are following “Lucian time” this may be about an hour after your scheduled time. So now, here comes the Bride!

The ceremony starts and will sometimes include special readings, words of advice from your wedding officiant, pastor or priest, exchange of vows, signing for the register, then you will share your first kiss. Your ceremony will be wrapped up with the pronouncement of Husband & Wife.

Your guests will enjoy cocktails while your photographer proceeds with the bridal party for formal photos. It may be a few hours till you and your husband are able to enjoy time alone so have your wedding planner discuss you having a few moments together. Your photographer may choose to focus on your bridal party while you take this time, or allow you to walk ahead while she takes photos from the back. Take these few minutes to bond and prepare for the next leg of your celebration.

When the photos are over, the bridal party will precede your entrance. Expect hugs, kisses and well wishes from everyone as you walk through the crowd.

Although the format of receptions many vary with each wedding, the elements all remain. The first dance often comes first. The Bride and Groom will then be seated and then dinner. As you nears an end, it is custom for the best man and Maid of Honor to give their speeches. These speeches will often bring tears, laughter and more well wishes for the future. Grab your glass and toast to your renewed future. Mother/ son and Bride/ father dances, tossing of the garter and the bridal bouquet follow. Are you ready for cake, because you’ve reached cake cutting time!

Now the party really begins! Enjoy the dancing and celebration of your union with your closest family and friends. You may decide to have a final song with your husband before you leave. This may wind up your reception. You can also have your guests join you outside to bid you farewell.

Remember, this is your day and you may not include all of these aspects and in some cases you may even add or alter the day’s events. Nothing is a must except for some legal formalities. Tailor your day to suit your hopes and expectations. But apart from the format, be sure to take time for yourself and with your husband so you can be mentally and emotionally in tune with yourself and each other to make your day one that you will never forget.